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GERMAN TOURIST
YOU WILL FIND HER: in Crete
YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HER: from her armpit hairs
YOU WILL APPROACH HER: by offering to spread sun-block lotion on her back so that her sensitive white skin doesn’t burn.
ADVICE: If you spend too much time talking her up, she will treat you like her older brother and ask you to introduce her to a friend of yours in order to get laid
SWEDISH TOURIST
YOU WILL FIND HER: on Rhodes
YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HER: from the hair on her legs which will hardly be visible because it’s blond.
YOU WILL APPROACH HER: With philosophical gibberrish. Say whatever you feel like saying as long as you keep a sophisticated look. After all, they are blondes and will fall for it.
ADVICE: Show her your intentions from go. Otherwise, her vacation will end and she will leave the country without getting laid.
FRENCH TOURIST
YOU WILL FIND HER: on Santorini
YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HER: From the designer label clothes and the CHRISTIAN DIOR bikini.
YOU WILL APPROACH HER: Definitely well-dressed and holding the “Le Monde”. Make a point of showing your preference of French products, by offering her a GAULOISES BLONDES cigarette.
ADVICE: Avoid showing her how much of a schmuck you are. Take her to an expensive Restaurant for dinner. You will enslave her!
ENGLISH TOURIST
YOU WILL FIND HER: on Corfu
YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HER: from the tons of beer she’ll have consumed at the Cavos pubs.
YOU WILL APPROACH HER: unshaven, with messy hair, a white t-shirt, jean and holding a beer.
ADVICE: don’t spend too much time chatting her up because you’ll end up going home wasted from all the beer consumption and you’ll have accomplished absolutely NOTHING.
GREEK TOURIST
YOU WILL FIND HER: EVERYWHERE!!!
YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HER: Sunbathing topless on the beach in order to attract attention (many tourists = a lot of competition).
YOU WILL APPROACH HER: With the best swollen item on you. Your wallet!!!
ADVICE: Make it understood that you prefer women …MADE IN GREECE!!!
GAY
YOU WILL FIND THEM: on Mykonos
YOU WILL RECOGNIZE THEM: As soon as you get there
YOU WILL APPROACH THEM: Effortlessly. They’ll beat you to it and approach you first
ADVICE: If you are SO unappealing that not one gay tourist hits on you, stroll over to PIERRO' S club and ask the DJ to play "I WANT YOU LIKE CRAZY" so you can dance on the bar. For what it’s worth, someone is bound to catch on!!!
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